she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Who died my cat blue again?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
