By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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