I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
