If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize