drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
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you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize