Farmville is her only friend.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
