My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize