My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
