They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
