I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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