people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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