i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
