yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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