I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
