I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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