My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
