just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
