I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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