three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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