I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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