umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
