Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
