so explain again why im purple
no
and she was petting her beer can
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
