She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
