I just saw a hot homeless man
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize