you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
