Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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