the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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