At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
