Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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