Don't make out with my wife yet
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
