great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
