I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
