remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
