Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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