just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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