The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
