also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
