Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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