He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
