how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They took my balls.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
