and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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