remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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