i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
