Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
