I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
