When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
