I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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