I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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