he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
