my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
