i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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