just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
