i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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