Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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