yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
