I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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