well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
