i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
