i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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