I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
