thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
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