and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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