oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
