My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
