Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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