In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Porn is love you can see.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
