someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize